My parents have recently come back home to South Africa, after 7 years of being expats. When my parents first l eft, I was reading a book called, “I Heard the Owl call my Name” by Margaret Craven, and in it she asks: " which one was braver; the one who left or the one who stayed?” And after 7 years of our family being slightly displaced, I think I know what my answer is.
I think that it is the ones who stay.
You are braver if you can content, greatful and fulfilled with what you have. To risk staying and making the most of your life as it is, instead and running away to “greener pasteurs.” In the past 2 years I have lost most of my dear friends to other countries: Austalia, England, the US – all to lands that will offer a “better life” for our crazy generation. That South Africa will end up the same as our poor neighbore Zim and we should save ourselves, before saving our country.
I belive that Africa’s spirit is cursed because of its people. I believe we can make it better by staying!!!!
But this is not why I’m writing this tonight. In my current situation, I find it difficult to be able to voice my opinions, for various petty and not so petty reasons, so then I remembered, “oh yes I have a blog!”
So here it goes:
I believe that religion is man made and faith is real. I try not to believe in god because it makes it easier to accept the consequinces. I believe in people. I think my friend and her religion are dellutional. God will not save her marriage, it is filling a void that she inherently unhappy with herself and her place in the universe.
I believe that my friends who left SA ran away. I believe that my sister will never be thin again and that she is a better person because of it. I belive that my nana (who lives with me) is truly lonely and I cannot help her.
I am angry at my parents because not only did they allow me to dream out loud without any fear of being teased, but they dreamt out loud with me, and still do, and sometimes it just makes the dissappoinment harder to deal with.
I love the fact that my sister is a perfectionist and I love her husband for loving her so beautifully. I loved it when after her lesagne turned out to be an absolute disaster, she put herself to bed! LOL!
I loved it when after I had my smash and grab, Neil held me so tightly and wouldn’t let go and I loved it even more when my sister, in her drunken state went trudging up the driveway determined to go “kill the bastards!”. I love how when she gets drunk she starts dancing again – like she really does miss it. There was nothing more special for me than to perform Tracy Turnblad for them, giving every fibre of my being, to the bone, to only see them during the standing ovation with tears in their eyes.
I belive that gay men are selfish (new concept that one of my best gay friend told me this morning) because its easier. I believe that men choose to be ignorant at the best of times. I love the fact that they also get wrinkly in the bath (not so mucho!). I love how they reverse a car – when they put their arm around the passenger seat and turn around to look with a slight frown across their brow. Their sleepy walk and gaze when they have just woken up. The fact that one bowl of cornflakes is actually not enough:) When they drink tea and not coffee. Their embracing hugs and you feel so safe in their arms, even if its just for a moment. The fact that when they are on stage, they are more vunerable than ever before. Their sneezes LOL! When they cry watching Forrest Gump, and my ultimate – the kiss on the forehead!
I believe that my lonliness has been my own doing and its only through being brave….by staying that I will find him.
So with these beliefs, my decision has been made.
Stay and fight.
S t a y and fight!
I think that it is the ones who stay.
You are braver if you can content, greatful and fulfilled with what you have. To risk staying and making the most of your life as it is, instead and running away to “greener pasteurs.” In the past 2 years I have lost most of my dear friends to other countries: Austalia, England, the US – all to lands that will offer a “better life” for our crazy generation. That South Africa will end up the same as our poor neighbore Zim and we should save ourselves, before saving our country.
I belive that Africa’s spirit is cursed because of its people. I believe we can make it better by staying!!!!
But this is not why I’m writing this tonight. In my current situation, I find it difficult to be able to voice my opinions, for various petty and not so petty reasons, so then I remembered, “oh yes I have a blog!”
So here it goes:
I believe that religion is man made and faith is real. I try not to believe in god because it makes it easier to accept the consequinces. I believe in people. I think my friend and her religion are dellutional. God will not save her marriage, it is filling a void that she inherently unhappy with herself and her place in the universe.
I believe that my friends who left SA ran away. I believe that my sister will never be thin again and that she is a better person because of it. I belive that my nana (who lives with me) is truly lonely and I cannot help her.
I am angry at my parents because not only did they allow me to dream out loud without any fear of being teased, but they dreamt out loud with me, and still do, and sometimes it just makes the dissappoinment harder to deal with.
I love the fact that my sister is a perfectionist and I love her husband for loving her so beautifully. I loved it when after her lesagne turned out to be an absolute disaster, she put herself to bed! LOL!
I loved it when after I had my smash and grab, Neil held me so tightly and wouldn’t let go and I loved it even more when my sister, in her drunken state went trudging up the driveway determined to go “kill the bastards!”. I love how when she gets drunk she starts dancing again – like she really does miss it. There was nothing more special for me than to perform Tracy Turnblad for them, giving every fibre of my being, to the bone, to only see them during the standing ovation with tears in their eyes.
I belive that gay men are selfish (new concept that one of my best gay friend told me this morning) because its easier. I believe that men choose to be ignorant at the best of times. I love the fact that they also get wrinkly in the bath (not so mucho!). I love how they reverse a car – when they put their arm around the passenger seat and turn around to look with a slight frown across their brow. Their sleepy walk and gaze when they have just woken up. The fact that one bowl of cornflakes is actually not enough:) When they drink tea and not coffee. Their embracing hugs and you feel so safe in their arms, even if its just for a moment. The fact that when they are on stage, they are more vunerable than ever before. Their sneezes LOL! When they cry watching Forrest Gump, and my ultimate – the kiss on the forehead!
I believe that my lonliness has been my own doing and its only through being brave….by staying that I will find him.
So with these beliefs, my decision has been made.Stay and fight.
S t a y and fight!
1 comment:
You crazy splatular!
Dont stay and fight......come live with me....life is ten times better out of the glass bowl!
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